Letter From Iraq #24

This week is finally done and that means that there is only one complete week left before we start the long journey home.  This coming week is also the week that our replacements start their trip here.  I’m not sure when they will arrive but I hope that they are here by the end of the week.

During my weekly Mayor’s Cell meeting I was reminded that this coming week is Valentine’s Day.  Asides from the chaplain’s reminder to take a moment this week to do something special for our loved ones, you can also tell that Valentine’s Day is coming by the fact that even the paper towels in the bathrooms have little hearts on them.  When you’re deployed it takes a little planning and creative thinking for holidays like Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes it even requires a little deception, just to make it a little more special.  I informed my girlfriend, Megan, that her Valentine’s Day present was put in the mail on Saturday when I mailed a box of stuff home.  The problem is that I sent the box so that it will take 3 to 5 weeks to get home and so I will be home before the box will be.  What I failed to mention is that there are a dozen roses that will be delivered to her at work on the 13^th, so that she will be able to enjoy them the entire day.  I hope that she is pleasantly surprised.

During the Mayor’s Cell meeting the chaplain also asked for a moment of silence for a soldier that was lost recently.  During the last six months that I have been here there have been times that we have been able to go weeks on end without a single casualty and then there are times when we multiple losses within a single week.  Upon our arrival here I was informed that one of the pilots here that I knew from Fort Lewis had recently died in a helicopter accident.  What made his death even sadder was the fact that he left behind a son.

Awful tragedies like this one happen often, especially in a world that is at war with its self.  Every person deals with the pain caused by the loss of someone special in different ways.  Some people get angry while others get depressed and still others take the loss of a loved one as an inspiration to help others.  One such person is a woman named Bonnie Carroll.  In 1992 Bonnie lost her husband, a Brigadier General in the Army, while conducting a training mission in Alaska.  She was not alone in her loss as seven others were killed in the plane crash.  This group of eight surviving families found that the best comfort that they received was from each other.  With this knowledge in hand Bonnie decided to start an organization that was geared towards helping families who have lost a loved one that was serving in the military.  This organization, which is just as important today as it was back when it was started, is called the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, which when shortened is called TAPS, appropriately showing the purpose and importance of its mission.

Each year the TAPS program holds its national convention in Washington DC during Memorial Day weekend.  There are many talks and events that are scheduled throughout the four days that help the families of military members that are left behind.  At the same time there are activities that are planned into the weekend that are designed to help people relax, like the parade at the Marine Corp Barracks and some light sightseeing.  On the last day of the convention, Memorial Day, everyone is bussed to Arlington National Cemetery where the President of the United States lays a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown and then gives a speech to all in attendance.

Many of the families that are left behind also have children that are left to grieve the loss of a parent, grandparent, or sibling.  During the weekend, while the parents attend the seminars that are geared towards them, the Good Grief Camp is taking place in another part of the hotel.  This camp is designed to help the children in the family with the grief that they feel, no matter the age.  Each child is matched up with a mentor who will spend the weekend with them and be there if they need someone to talk to.  The mentors aren’t just volunteers who have decided to give their time to a good cause, but instead are mostly all members of the military who give up their long weekend, that they could spend with their family and friends, to help the children of their lost comrades.  Many of the soldiers, marines, sailors, and airman that volunteer at the kid’s camp each year have been coming back for several years.  Many times the volunteers aren’t too sure why they are there at the beginning of the weekend.  They aren’t too sure that they can be a help to a kid that they don’t know while dealing with a situation that no one likes to talk about.  By the end of the weekend I have seen marines cry when they explain how their lives have been changed.  It’s not only Marines who cry, but I point them out because they often have the facade of being too tough to cry.  When someone cries they aren’t laughed at or ridiculed, no one thinks less of them, because we support each other just like they support the kids.  Last year there was a General, who had lost two sons in the military, one while serving in Iraq and the other to suicide, that came and talked to us.  While talking about his sons he broke down and started to cry.  No one in that room respected him any less for his tears but instead respected him more for being able to show his grief.  Many times there are mentors who are dealing with the same pain that the kids are dealing with and so they are getting just as much out of the weekend as the kids.  One of the greatest ways that many of the military mentors are affect is in discovering that if something were to happen to them, that there would be group of people who have been where they are and know what they are feeling and are willing to help them with their grief.

The spring after my brother, D.J., was killed is when I learned of the TAPS program.  I was at a training exercise in Eastern Washington when I received a call from my mom.  She explained to me that they had a kids camp and that they would like me to be one of their mentors.  The Air Force even allowed me to attend the conference without having to take leave.  I was matched up with a child who’s family had been attending TAPS for several years after the loss of their father in a fatal aircraft crash.  That weekend I think I resolved more of my issues than I helped to resolve.  Last year was the second year that I was a volunteer with the kid’s camp and I plan on returning again this year.

Each year the ND National Guard is financed with money to help ND families attend TAPS.  With the number of military members lost each year, from the current war in Iraq and Afghanistan to car accidents and suicides, it is becoming increasingly difficult for the National Guard to help every family to attend TAPS completely free of charge.  Last year ten committees in both the House and the Senate heard the need of these families and donated $3,800 to help the families attend TAPS.  This wasn’t money that was set aside from the tax payers, but money that they donated out of their own pocket.

As I sign off for this week I want to thank everyone again for all of their thoughts and prayers during the last six months.  I would like to ask each and every one of you to continue to pray for all military people, both deployed and at home, that they may stay safe.  Sadly a war isn’t the only way to lose a soldier and so they need your prayers.  I would also like to thanks Lorraine and Gordon Bopp for taking the time to email me and sharing the dates of the New Salem Anniversary Celebration.  I look forward to coming back and seeing everyone.

If you have a question that you would like to ask me or just want say hi, you can contact me via email at john.iraq@hotmail.com.  I would suggest to avoid sending letters at this point just due to the length of time that it will take for them to arrive and the fact that we are “getting short” as Mel Bopp in Iowa put it.

Until we meet again, Have a great Air Force Day!