Letter From Afghanistan #13

Another week has managed to come and go and somehow has managed to do so while leaving only a small imprint on our lives.  After consulting my calendar I count that there are approximately nine more weeks until we will start making the long trek back home.

One thing that I find myself wondering as I sit here in a world that seems completely different from my own is what is changing back in my world that I am missing.  As a general rule the changes that I don’t know about are minor, but they are still there.  Each week new movies come out in the theatres or in stores.  New games are released almost daily and there are advancements in technology that we may not hear about.  Though we know that the world doesn’t stop spinning while we are away, the changes that we see when we get back can make the transition back just that much harder. 

I remember that one of the things that completely amazed me when I got back from Iraq was that the pop machines in the malls and other locations now had an attachment on them that made it so that you could use your credit or debit card to pay for your beverages.  Granted this isn’t really that big of an improvement when it comes to technology, but it was something completely new to me that I had never seen and it had come out while I had been away.

Often times you feel out of the loop when you are in groups of people.  Often times the conversation will move toward what people thought about a certain television show or if they had seen a specific movie.  Many times we don’t even feel that we can comment on these subjects because we don’t have any knowledge of the topics they are discussing.  With as quickly as movies go from being in theatre to coming out on video it is easy to completely miss the movie and not even know that it had come and gone.

I sometimes get the same feeling whenever I get a chance to venture back to North Dakota for leave.  Even with the economy in a tailspin Bismarck seems to keep growing and changing.  When I make it to Bismarck it never quite looks the same, the Wal-Mart is no longer in the same place and instead of one we now have two.  There are new restaurants and hotels all over the place while other businesses that have been there for many years are now closed or under new owners.

It’s not quite the same feeling but they have their similarities.  For some people this feeling can cause them to feel despair.  In some this can create thoughts of suicide.  For 2008 all four branches of the military reported an increase in the suicide rate and noted that the rate was higher than the civilian average.  I think that some of this can be related to the changes that occur during a deployment.  For those that have families at home when they leave the changes can be huge.  Last week I mentioned that one of the guys that is deployed here had the excitement of his wife having a baby.  For many a new baby in the family is a joyous occasion, but for some it can be a time for despair because they weren’t able to be present for the birth of their child.  This can also be true for birthdays and other big events in a child’s life.   You add this on top of the loneliness that can be created from coming back to a place where things have changed and you can feel like you don’t understand anything that is going on.   When I returned to my squadron after Iraq I felt a little like the new guy because a lot of the people  that were my friends before I left had received assignments to other locations and were replaced by new people.  It was a weird feeling to have to try and catch up with everything that had happened during the past 6 months.

The military has been working very hard to try and reduce the rate of suicides in the military.  As I sit in the Dining Facility in the morning, eating breakfast and watching TV, I see multiple commercials on the AFN (the Armed Forces Network) that address the issue of suicide and depression.  The encourage everyone to seek help if they feel they are in need of it.  They work hard to curb the stigma that is associated with seeking help from a mental health professional.  They also work on training everyone to recognize the signs of depression.  This isn’t so much so that we know when we are depressed and so that we can seek the help that we need, but instead so that we can recognize this in others.  We are also told what the proper course of action is if we notice that someone is depressed so that we can ensure that they receive the help that they need and by getting help things have a habit of working themselves out, sometimes people just need a little help to get through it.

I hope that in the course of writing this I have not put any of you off.  My intent is this letter is simply to point out one of the less glamorous sides of the military.  Suicide is not a popular subject in any light, but is often times seem worse when it involves the men and women that our country calls heroes.  Many people thing that being someone’s hero would be good thing because you know that they are looked up to.  In some cases this is true but in others the pain that is caused in the process is greater than that person can handle.

On that note I shall sign off for another week.  Typing this has managed to warm up my fingers a little bit and now I can get the rest of my work done.  The temperature this morning reached the lowest we have seen since we have been here by getting down to 48°F this morning.  As I depart for another week I would like to send a very special thank you to Rosemary Fleck in Bismarck and to all of the different people and business that are devoted to showing their support.  It took a little while to get through all 4 boxes and I am lucky that they actually came on two different days because the weather was not quite as good as I would have liked and so I had a little less time to get through the boxes.  The good news is that now we have a nice stockpile of baby wipes and hygiene products.  I would also like to say Happy Birthday to my dad who will be celebrating the day that was “hatched” as he likes to put it.  I also want to send a Happy Grandparents day to all of those grandparents out there and especially to Baldwin and Irene, my grandparents that have always shown their love and support throughout all the years.

I would love to hear from you.  If you would like to contact me you can email me at john.iraq@hotmail.com.  I love to hear news from back home.  I also would love to try and answer any questions that you may have.  If you would prefer to send a letter, card, or care package they can be sent to me at the following address:

SSgt John B. Ferderer

Task Force Pegasus

HHC 2-82 (SWO) Task Force Corsair

APO AE 09355

If you are sending a care package please know that everything that is sent is shared with everyone here on the FOB and that everything is greatly appreciated.  Due to the heat I must ask that you please refrain from sending chocolate or anything else that will melt.  With the temperature still reaching over 100°F each day chocolate becomes soupy very quickly.

Have a great week and have a great Air Force Day!